User Profile

I was born a wealthy Puerto Rican restaurant franchise heir, but upon my 6th birthday I was dealt a heavy hand. I was told that my destiny did not lie in Puerto Rico, but in fact in the great Corporate land of America. I instantly boarded a pick-up truck that, with the help of hollowed out oil drums and caulk, carried me north across the ocean to California. The journey was perilous, but I arrived safely. Unfortunately, I was the only survivor of the 32-man party, but when starvation sets in, you do what you must in order to survive. Working my across the country, one truck driver and $50 at a time, I landed in the cesspool of Winona, Minnesota. Quickly, I accrued massive debt to a local lone shark named Randy Blaser, and have spent the past 12 years working off my debts.

Actually, I was born in Austin, MN and moved to Winona when I was 5. I drifted around schools the first few years, and somehow got through. I have always been a fringe member of society, to the point that even my friends probably consider me a casual acquaintance, but I understand this to go hand in hand with my personality. I enjoy doing most things people enjoy doing, but I also have a penchant for writing long texts into the late hours of the night and engaging citizens several times my age in heated sociopolitical debate. It's fun.


That's me, in a nutshell, for your reading pleasure.

Oh yeah, I also am on the Coffee Mill Ski Patrol and play drums in a band called Your Favorite Uncle, who (with only 4 months together) managed to win the Senior High's Battle of the Bands.

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